So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
