I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
