my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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