im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Exactly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
