Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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