I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
