So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
