Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
