fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
