Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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