I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
