Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
