what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
