Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
