maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
