If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
