i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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