You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
