I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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