god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
