HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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