i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
