omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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