i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
