Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
