You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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