i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ok first of all what the fuck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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