The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
