I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
