2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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