Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
