I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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