i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
