There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
