i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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