I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
