batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
