okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
