if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
