Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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