she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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