I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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