No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
