Yo dont text me then not text me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
