the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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