two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
