your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to jail i love you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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