It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
