How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As shirtless as possible
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
