she woke up with a sticky ear
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
