I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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