Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We smell like vodka and hangover
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
