You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
