whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Actions speak louder than pants.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
