last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
